What they did NOT tell you at prenatal class

No matter how many books you have read or classes you have attended, you will only truly understand what childbirth and motherhood is when you go through it. Your body is exhausted and sore but you still have to learn to breast feed, latch the car seat in the car, cope with floods of relatives and friends who want to see the new comer and congratulate the happy parents, and last but not least, you have to bond with a new person who had just been catapulted in a world which is completely alien to him. If this is not enough you will also worry to your wits end whether you are going to be a good parent, if you have enough resources to feed, clothe and educate your Baby until he or she is at least eighteen years, etc, etc...

Both Parents have a hard time when a new baby comes along but... let's face it girls, the physical pain and exhaustion associated with labour, breastfeeding and coping with a demanding baby 24/7 is mostly on Mommy, and while Daddy tugs back to work a couple of weeks (if you r lucky) after the baby is born, Mommy still has to deal with sore nipples, pregnancy weight, stitches and sheer exhaustion.

It is all that Bad?Of course not!!! Bringing a child into the world is the most exhilarating experience that I have gone through, nothing prepares you to that incredible emotion when you have your Baby in your arms for the very first time, and I would do it over and over again, ... but there are plenty of other places to read about how beautiful the miracle of life is and few places where someone tells you that it is normal to feel miserable until you settle down with your little bundle of joy.

Don't be hard on your self and think that you will not be a good mother if your baby does not latch immediately, (breast feeding is a skill which both you and your child will learn with practice) if you feel like crying all the time (those are the hormones working against you) and if even the slightest inconvenience bothers you to death( you are tired, your body is sore and your brain is working overtime will all the new things it has to learn)

This is all perfectly natural, but with time and experience I am sure that you will go through the tough patch and become the best mum ever. If you are fading in comparison to your best friend or relative who seemed to know it all from the start, don't worry ... rest assured that even the most self confident mother you know has gone through this though patch at one time or the other...

Below are some quick tips that should ease some of the discomforts of the first days or weeks... you might have heard them before, but it is a good idea to set your priorities right...

I know that it might sound strange to tell a mother to take care of herself when she has a fragile new born that absorbs all her energy but to be a good carer you have to be well fed and rested. It is normal for a new born baby to cry, but though your instinct tells you to run to pick your child every time your child whimpers, try to get someone you trust, to help you out until you get settled.

Remember your body has gone through nine tough months when the best nutrients were given to your growing child, and your body has just gone through labour - which is not exactly like eating a piece of cake. Give yourself time to sleep and eat good healthy food. It is also essential to drink water as it will help your milk flow.

Nap when you have time.Don't expect to sleep for nine hours like you used to do before. Your sleep will be constantly interrupted by the child's demands, so you have to make the most out of every second and try to sleep when ever possible. When baby is napping, snuggle up close to him and take your zzz's when you have time. If grandma takes the child out for a walk in the park, forget about cleaning the house and doing the dishes, and simply go to bed and sleep. It is the best gift you can give yourself as you are helping your body recover from the trauma and regenerate.

Eat plenty of fruit, vegetables and foods containing calcium and iron and drink plenty of water.Your doctor should direct you to the best food that will help you breast feed and regain your strength. If exhaustion and feelings of anxiety become a problem for more than a couple of weeks (a month maximum) after childbirth, discuss it with your doctor as it can be a symptom of post natal depression or anemia. In many cases all your post natal problems go away with time, but it is always a good idea to ask for a doctor's opinion if something does not feel right.

Ask for help and never turn it down when it is offered. If you can't cope with doing the house chores and taking care of Baby, don't turn down a friend or relative who is willing to help. If in your pre-Baby life, you prided yourself of being a totally independent individual, make a concession for the first weeks after childbirth and give your love for independence a break. You will have plenty of time to take care of the house and do the laundry when you and Baby settle down but for now your sole focus is to get back your energy.

Up to now I think that it has been really easy, now comes the real part that you don't usually hear in your prenatal class.

I am not telling you to fight with your mother in law or your sister when they bugger you about the best way to hold your baby to burp him, but learn to discern between people who are really trying to help you and those who are imposing their beliefs on you. If Grandma Jane tells you to cover up your baby as it might catch cold and you are in a heat wave in the middle of August - use your common sense. If your Aunt Martha tells you that she weaned off her daughter on steak and peas when she was 9 months old - use your common sense.

More experienced parents and especially those of an older generation will come with loads of advice (often unrequested) about what is the best way to take care of your new born, and since you are a new mother and still not confident of your ability, there is a tendency to follow the advise to make everyone happy.

Ladies, YOU DON'T have to do what everyone tells you.

It is your child and your responsibility. Overheating a baby can have very serious repercussions, as does inappropriate food or clothing. Be diplomatic when someone gives you advice, thank them politely and say that you will think about what they told you, but dont' jump at everyone whim. If they keep on insisting tell them you will consult your physician as he is very strict when it comes to these things.

Ladies, you are allowed to make mistakes, the important thing is to keep an eye on your child's health and you will learn how to burp him, clothe him and change him in no time. Experience is the best teacher you will ever have. Trust yourself and your ability. You love your child and you want what is best for him. Follow your instinct, when something is not right consult your doctor, and you will do fine.

Going around with Baby is a cumbersome experience. You are carrying your baby, your baby bag, your stroller (if you are using public transport) and you have to take care of baby.In addition to this you are doing extra laundry which you have to carry back and forth and handle car seats, baby carriers, baby swings and all the other equipment that comes along with your child.

You have only one back - take care of it. Learn to lift in the correct way and bend your knees when you go down. Keep your back straight as much as possible and try to divide heavy loads in plenty of trips rather than carry one big load. Your back and joints have gone through a lot of abuse during pregnancy. Now is a good time to learn to lift properly and not over do it. Remember that back injury can be very painful, so prevent it.

The media bombards us with tons of adverts of miracle cures and diets that should make us lose weight in a couple of days... but we all know that many of them don't work .If you are unlucky you might stumble in remedies that are very harmful for your body, so again use your common sense and keep away from them.

Going back to sore backs and aching joints... In many cases the best way to get rid of those pains is simply to do moderate exercise.

Start at a slow pace especially in the first six weeks after childbirth but keep your exercise routine and you will see the benefits. Increase your pace and effort when you feel your body is ready for it, but don't over do it. The trick is to be moderate and constant.

With a small child it is easy to find time for some exercise - if you really want to do it. Walking is free and can be done at any time of the day. Simply put your baby in the stroller and go for a long walk. The baby will be cradled by the rhythm and you will be doing some exercise at your pace. If your baby is fussy about going for walks, you can try yoga, swimming or even aerobic classes at a slower pace.Many gyms offer child mind facilities, but if grandma or auntie are close by, you can always try to ask if they have an extra hour for baby sitting.

The endorphins make you feel better and your muscles are benefiting from the extra boost of blood circulation which makes them stronger and helps you regain energy and good mood - so exercise is the best thing you can do after childbirth.

Note if you are breastfeeding - remember to wear an appropriate bra when you exercise, and drink plenty of water for hydration. It is also a good idea to shower before breast feeding as it will cool you down and wash away the perspiration as sometimes babies get fussy when they have to latch after you exercise.

It might seem impossible to carve that half hour when you can be your old self again and do something which you really like doing, but if you try hard you can make it. It could be going to the salon for a manicure, have a chat with your old girl friends, read a book or to write your next hub.

It doesn't matter what you do, as long as you are doing something that you like and that relaxes you. Try to find at least an hour every week to devote to your interests, as it will help you to keep in touch with the things you like.

If you plan to go back to the working world when Baby gets older it is also a good idea to keep in touch with what is happening in your area of expertise through specialised publications and the Internet. You could also ask your HR department to mail you your company's newsletter so that you don't have any surprises when you get back.

The next time you see a celebrity mum with a great body a couple of weeks after she had twins, - think airbrush... Remember that celebrities have dozens of personal trainers and assistants who are there to take care of them and make sure that they look great. They have their hair and make up done for a photo shoot, a specialist chooses their clothes and a group of experts including their pr person have a say on what goes on the cover of a magazine.

Don't have unrealistic expectations about your body.Unfortunately there is no miracle cure to regain your pre-baby splendor in days. Soon after childbirth, you cannot recognise your breasts, your stomach is enormous and your thighs and hips have never looked like that before. Many first time mothers expect that they will have flat tummies as soon as the baby pops out, but unfortunately for most of us it is not the case, and our body takes months to get back to its former shape.

Stretch marks are permanent. The majority of women end up with some stretch marks after childbirth but the situation is not as bad as you might think.

On the positive side

1. If you have applied the proper creams when you were pregnant it is likely that your condition is not that bad.
2. Stretch marks fade with time - and from angry purple spider like veins they become silver lines which are barely noticeable.
3. If you are seriously concerned about them, there are creams on the market which help and laser treatments that help to reduce or permanently eliminate these marks (unfortunately they are still on the expensive side and if you have a lot of them the price goes even further up but it is good to know they exist.)

Your body does change after pregnancy and many women complain that they have gained a couple of pounds that they are unable to lose, their breasts are not what they used to be, and they also complain about a hundred other changes like pigmented areas on their face and body which were not there before, but for one moment consider what your body has done through.

The skin stretches to accommodate your growing abdomen, and your breasts miraculously produce milk that is the sole nourishment for your baby for months. Your body has carried a new life for nine months, and it is producing a custom made food to sustain that life when it was no longer in your body. Your body had been the divine vecile that brought life into the world.

Rather than being angry with nature, be thankful for your child and patient and caring to your self.... Your breasts will be less sore as you will get used to breast feeding and when you stop breast feeding they will get back in shape after some time. Your tummy will be flat again after some time. If you want to lose that extra weight remember to exercise and eat healthy food. In those critical areas learn about targeted exercises.

If you think you are not making enough progress don't feel down and be angry with yourself be proactive and join a gym where you will find specialised help and target the areas that are bothering.

I know it is tough but don't be hard on your self, give your self time and remember that being a parent is the most difficult job on Earth, you will have to sit up before you learn to crawl and learn to walk before you learn to run... but I am sure that there will be a time where you will be running away with the job and you will become the role model of a new mum who is just feeling miserable and overwhelmed with her new responsibility...