Toddler Tantrums

At the two year old milestone, often described as the terrible twos, one can start to see the first assertions of independence from the growing child. Tantrums which often lead to scenes of purple faced parents trying to calm a kicking child, are actually the sign that a child is developing a healthy sense of independence and can be easily seen under a positive light.

At this age children start to understand what they want and how to get it and start to "push their parents' buttons" to get what they want. The more attention a parent gives a screaming child, the more the child learns that negative behaviour is rewarded with the parents' interest. If the parents succumb to the child's requests in order to calm him down, the higher the chances that the episode will be repeated every time the child needs to assert his will.

In theory it seems simple, the parent has to be assertive and not let the child get away with doing whatever he wants, but in reality we all know that we are in certain situations where it is embarrassing to have your child kicking and screaming in the middle of a mall with strangers looking on, and sometimes passing comments on what to do.

Following are some tips to placate temper tantrums and bring back peace in the family.

Remember to keep calm. Even in the most frustraing situations, try to keep in control of the situation. At this age children are learning to cope with a new overwhelming feeling which can be very scaring - ANGER. The parent's objective when a temper tantrum hits should be to teach the child to handle anger and anxiety. An angry parent increases the child's level of anxiety rather than calming him down.

Same thing goes for spanking or screaming at the child. Even though we are all human, and I have to confess there are times when I feel like screaming my way to the moon, the child is at an age when he is learning how to react according to the situation. If you are overly aggressive with the child when you are angry, you are teaching him that it is ok to hit back or to yell at people when you are angry. I know it is hard, but keep down your tone and your hands to your side. Giving your child a time out could give better results than spanking or screaming at him.

See a tantrum as a psychological chess game. At this age the child is all out to attract your attention. He learns what buttons to push to get what he wants. Be assertive and when you make a decision never back up. If your son (or daughter) learns that if he screams hard enough and makes a scene he will get the toy, he will use that technique whenever he wants something that you don't think is right for him. Again it is hard but you have to stick to your decisions and be consistent. If the child is not allowed sweets before lunch, stick to your rules and your routine. Routine and a fixed set of rules ease the child's learning of what is appropriate and what is just not right.

Don't let guilt over ride your emotions.You are not being cruel because you are not letting your child have his way. You are teaching your child the rudiments of discipline and putting barriers to things which are dangerous or simply not appropriate.

Be prepared.I remember a time when I used to get out of the house with my keys,my cell phone and my wallet, but becoming a mum meant learning to carry a bag of tricks. Remember that children get cranky when they are tired or hungry. Make sure to have snacks and a drink handy if you are going out, and try not to subject very young children to activities which last for more than a couple of hours without giving them a fair time to get some rest. It is also a good idea to carry along one of your son's favourite toys.It will serve as a good distraction if your toddler insists on making you buy the entire toystore or simply doesn't want to walk away from the doggies in the pet shop.